I’m Not a Classic?
My higher self is starting to sound a bit like Britney Spears. She keeps singing “Oops I did It Again” except for the “it” she’s referring to is blowing my mind. Shaking things up so unexpectedly that I have no choice but to see myself more clearly. I have no choice but to step closer to radical self acceptance.
The BINGO challenge I recently created is no exception.
Two months ago I started my third annual Style BINGO challenge with the goal of encouraging an abundant mindset among my community. The theme was centered around a mantra that has prevented me from feeding more money into my lack mentality problem. “You have everything you need” has been a guiding light for my closet and wallet over the winter months and I knew without a doubt it would serve as the perfect theme for the challenge.
And while the challenge fostered abundance and support among my community, my higher self had a much bigger “oops” in mind for me.
For the last few years, my archetypes have been Romantic, Ingenue and Classic. These archetypes are the foundational style pillars that help me to celebrate my personality and body through what I wear. In simpler terms, I described my style as theatrical, princessy and timeless. While the theatrical and princessy pillars have always provided me stability, that “timeless” pillar never really felt sturdy. It felt like one I “should” have. Over the years, my inner critic has exhausted herself tending to the thousands of microscopic fractures that I’ve created in that pillar. No matter how many times she mended the cracks with plans, to-do lists, and button ups, they continued to spread.
Dressing like a classic has always felt like wearing a mask to me; like the more structure and polish I added, the more I was proving to the world that I was practical, put together and prepared. I was trying to convince myself that wearing an outfit appropriate for the country club meant that I was doing life “right.” Classic is what I thought adults should be. They’re the ones that have it together, they’re organized, they don’t stress easily, they always have the right answer.
If we’re being brutally transparent here (my inner voices and I), I am none of those things. Being proactive stresses me out, I’m rarely on time, I’m exceptionally talented at creating messes, and my best ideas are never planned.
The more I forced classic into my closet, the more I felt like a fraud. And boy howdy did that become apparent during this bingo challenge. As I created and shared my classic outfits with my community, those tiny fractures merged into giant cracks. My inner critic was witnessing the ruin of my classic pillar. She watched in horror as it crumbled to the ground; a pile of rubble and ash. No amount of completed check lists or business slacks were going to fix it this time.
Cue my higher self on the mic in Britney’s red bodysuit belting, ”OOPS I DID IT AGAIN!”
Except, there was no oops here. My higher self destroyed this pillar on purpose. In the wake of destruction she offered a simple statement. “You’re not a classic.”
Oh. My. God.
You know the point in the Disney movie where the hero suddenly sees everything with total clarity and knows exactly what they have to do? That’s what happened here. I’m Mirabel in Encanto realizing that she didn’t receive a magical superpower gift because she was the gift, the one who fully understood and loved each member of her family. I’m Anna in Frozen II, realizing she needed to stop trying to follow her sister’s path and go forge her own.
This is the first time in 32 years that I’ve seen myself. Like really seen myself. I’ve spent the last few weeks reflecting on my life through this new “I’m not a classic” lens and woof, it’s the most exhausting and wonderful thing that I’ve ever done. Reconciling my past has allowed me to give all my inner voices exactly what they needed. For my inner critic; freedom from the pressure to live a life that was never meant for her and deep gratitude for the years of effort she put forth to protect me from heartache. For my inner teen; vindication and respect for going after what she wanted no matter how many times other people told her it was wrong or impractical. And to my inner child; self acceptance and love for the messy, fun, delightful little dreamer she always has been.
The craziest part of all of this is that I know now that my dreams are neither impractical or impossible; they’re inevitable. Because that’s what happens when you see yourself clearly, you release yourself from limitations and realize that everything you want is possible. I’m over here feeling #unlimited and #defyinggravity because I let go of something that I’m not. Okay, it wasn’t just one thing, it was a LOT.
And if that doesn’t explain the power behind the way I approach personal style, I honestly don’t know what the fuck will.
You want to know the best part? If you find yourself here and wishing for the freedom I found through style, you can have that for yourself. And bonus, unlike my experience, the process of getting there doesn’t need to be grueling or lonely. We can build your style pillars up to be strong in a foundation of self understanding, love and acceptance, and we can do it together. Because, queen, it’s literally my job, and one I love deeply.
If you’re looking to let go of some stuff that’s not serving you, you still have a little time to get in on the Closet Cleanse I’m running. If you just need a takeaway from reading this allow me to TLDR this blog. Clarity happens when you let go and accept, not when you force and chase.
Un-classicly,
