the unlived is the lesser beast
”You’re wrong,” she pleads until it’s true,
-The teen that dwells in my brain
I first heard it as a restless taunt
But allow me to explain…
Her plea is to explore the edges
A chance to feels unstuck,
She burns it underneath my skin
To trust again my luck.
Is it luck she trusts?
Or is fate offering a shove?
Toward a place, a person, a feeling
That was meant for her to glove.
I find again she’s running
From a life laid out in plan
Not to chase, but to remind
that on my feet I can stand.
Where will you go, what will you do?
The critics that haunt her so
but I really hope she remembers
The unknown is still safe to know.
I feel a kind of stirring
An itch she longs to scratch
So I’ll store my things; my heres and nows
To let destiny miss or catch.
Will her unrest ever end?
For now, it’s not a choice
I’ll tune out the whispers of others
To allow her to live by our voice.
Some think me reckless, some brave
To answer calls that have yet to cease
But if the past is wise to my truth,
The unlived is the lesser beast.
”You’re wrong” she sings with so much joy
And now I can’t help but smile
Because it was never living “right”
That made my life worthwhile.
I know, the cryptic poem really helped. Here’s the deal. It’s been six years since I moved back to my hometown of Pittsburgh. Six years since I did a total 180 on my life: quit my corporate job, ended a two year relationship with my ex who was a father of two, and moved back into my parents house. Pittsburgh has offered me a foundation to land, a birthplace of my very own business, and the place I got to meet my perfect nephews and niece. But with the date of my lease fast approaching, I found I had absolutely no desire to look for another place in Pittsburgh, in fact I know my next chapter isn’t supposed to be here. Truth be told, my inner critic and teen tried A LOT over the last six years to make me feel right for my life in Pittsburgh. No matter what she tried, something wasn’t click, I just kept feeling wrong, like Pittsburgh was trying to squeeze me out. In June of this year, the little voice that told me to upend my life six years ago came back, and she very simply asked “Do you want to put your stuff in storage?”
Yes. Holy shit, yes.
Here’s the thing about my higher self (that little voice), she’s clear, simple and knows EXACTLY what I need. And this time was no exception. While storage was the suggestion, what my higher self really gave me was freedom, time, and a chance to explore more wrongs to step closer to my “right.” Insert many long sighs of relief.
So, I’m going to take time to explore, to go back to Europe, to visit friends, to live a life I haven’t tried yet. What I really hope is that this serves as some inspiration for you to do the same.
Here’s the thing about inner teens and higher selves, (see if you relate), they both long for my safety and happiness, but their actions are motivated very differently. My inner teen makes decisions with the approval of others as her goal, while my higher self is motivated by self love and acceptance. When my teen asks what’s wrong with me and how can I make myself right for this time, place, or person, my higher self asks is this time, place, or person right for me? One question offers an open ended, self blaming list of “answers” as the solution, while the other offers a yes or no, self-loving solution. I think my higher self wins out on this one.
Hearing, and now, listening to my higher self all started 8 years ago when a 23 year old Alex had her colors done. It’s crazy to understand that in February of 2016, my life was forever altered. That because of my own style discovery, I left a life that wasn’t right for me, I created a business that was, and now I’m taking my life to new and unexplored places, I’m living out a dream my inner teen couldn’t have even dreamed up. I tell my clients that working with me isn’t really about the clothes, it’s about discovering, listening to, and loving yourself. It’s about using style as permission for true self expression. By seeing your own magic, you realize what you want isn’t ridiculous nor impossible. You’re worthy of asking for it and going after it.
What would it look like if you stopped asking if you were right for your style or life and instead asked if they were right for you?
A business note from the inner critic: I intend to carry on my business during my travels and whatever comes up next, since all of my services are now offered virtually (barring color analysis). Hopefully, I get to work with more people from around the world and give more real life insight the opportunities that wearing our signature style allows!
